SS: Super Survivor
by ZenryokuKirby
Summary: The Smash Trophy. The most precious thing in all of the Gamer World. This trophy is won every year from a competition. The competition this year however is... Survivor! Who will be the best Video-game Character Ever? Discover and find out!
1. Bananas in Pyjamas

Survivor: The Best Video-Game Character Ever!

This came to me while I was watching Kirby Squeak Squad videos… funny eh?

Disclaimer: I do not own SSBB, Nintendo, sonic, or metal gear solid.

**READ OR ELSE YOU WON'T GET ANYTHING**: this story isn't summarizing SSBB. It's actually a survivor thing. (I know, too many people write this kind of stuff, but I love them! If you have one, please tell me because I love reading SSB survivor stories!

**WARNING**: this chapter isn't funny. It's just an intro, so deal with it. Then next ones will be.

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The Smash trophy… It was the only kind in the whole universe, and was priceless. No amount of money in the world, could buy it off of its owner, who is also the most powerful being in the Smash world, who is Master Hand (… or is he?). Thousands try, and win the honor of holding the precious piece of metal. They say, whoever holds it, gains power, wealth, and popularity in the gamer world. Many people, animals, and other video-game beings, compete for this magnificent prize, and also just "being" able to compete in the competition at all! The infamous Master hand is very picky towards choosing people…

In the Gamer world, there are three, very different clans. The first, and most far the most popular group, is Nintendo. The second one, is Sapcom, composing of Sega and Capcom together. The third, one, is basically all the others. These "cliques" as most of you people would call them, are very aggressive towards each other, however, some members of different clans share a bond between them, secretly from their group. They are friends, and yes, even some of them, lovers.

All of the game characters live in their own, harmonious group, peacefully. They eat, sleep, and socialize with others from their group, and just about everything else what a normal human as you and I would do. However, their lives differ greatly compared to us. They are video-games characters. And on this particular day, there is a competition, to win the honorable Smash trophy, and be "The Best Video-Game Character Ever"

Super Smash BROTHERS! (Sexist much?)

Deep in a Chicago-like apartment in the Gamer World, Master hand was busy making up the, so-called "greatest contest for game characters".

"Oh woe is me! Whatever shall I do?" asked Master hand, to himself. He couldn't figure out what the contest would be.

"Come on you big white over-sized glove!" he said, while punching himself. (Though I can't ever imagine a hand punching their self…) Getting confused about his work, the "big white over-sized glove" floated to his couch, and pushed the "on" button on the remote, to turn his TV on.

-I wonder what's on…- he thought to himself.

On the TV, he saw a show, called "Survivor".

"That's it! I'll make a game-show! Oh how smart am I!" the glove praised himself.

He quickly jumped out of his depressive state, and ran as fast as he could to the town square. (Where the contest was being held.) He ran past the grocery store, while stumping his pinky finger on a huge watermelon, sprinted across an old retro video-game grandma's yard, while hearing her saying "You young whippersnapper!!!" to him, limping past the Gamer Library, after getting attacked by the crazy lady, and got chased by two living bananas in pajamas after they hear him whipering to himself "What kind of bananas wear pajamas? Those two should be eaten..."

When he finally got there, he noticed a lot of faces, competing in his contest, to be the "Best Video-Game Character Ever"! There were a lot of old faces that he knew, as well as some new ones. He sighed, and though to himself -Boy... I really outdid myself this time. I should've advertised on posters as a I usually do, not on the TV!-

"Hey lookie! It's-a him! Master Hand!" said Mario, in his usual annoying Italian accent.

"Well well. Look who decided to FINALLY show up..." said Falco.

"Oh my GOD! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE I'VE BEEN IN? I've got a swollen pinky finger, My thumb got scratched while in some old lady's bush, and then the old lady chased and attacked me, and THEN I got sexually harassed by some rebel bananas wearing PAJAMAS!" Master Hand yelling to everyone.

It was silent for a few moments.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! Man, that's the FUNNIEST THING I've EVER heard!" said the tunic-wearing Link, while laughing so hard that he fell on the ground.

Everyone else began laughing with Link.

"It's NOT funny!" Master Hand exclaimed.

"FTW? YES it is!" Fox yelled, while holding his aching stomach, because he was laughing so much.

Then suddenly Master Hand has the evilest look you will ever get, to the crowd.

In a quiet, but deadly voice, he said "If anyone laughs in the next 3 seconds... you will be eliminated from the competition. NO exeptions."

Everyone stopped laughing their head off. Marth, Ness, and Zero (from megaman series) gulped.

"GOOD." replied the hand, having an evil aura around him, while he spoke this one word. Then, suddenly, two people, whose names I will not give out, and who are also kind of annoying, *coughs* Slippy and Navi *coughs* accidently giggled for a second.

"YOU TWO! OUT!" yelled Master Hand.

Navi sadly flittered away, with Slippy close behind her.

"Good bye... Link..." Navi said."Meh. You were kind of annoying, no offense" replied Link. "WHAT DID YOU SAY??!!?" Navi screamed. "Uh... nothing..." whimpered the Hylian, who was shocked he wasn't dead from the little Fairy yet.

"See ya guys. I can't believe I'm already out... and the contest didn't even start!" Slippy said, with tears flowing out of the sad frog's eyes.

"Slippy... we'll miss you." Fox said.

"No we won't" Falco remarked.

"Falco!" Fox shouted towards the bird-like... thing. Falco just grunted.

"Please cheer us on." said Krystal.

"Will do!" said Slippy happily.

The two video-game characters went and sat on the benches in the Town Square, rooting for their friends.

"Man... that Slippy is SO annoying!" Falco said to himself, without letting Fox hearing him.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, that guy ate all my BANANAS..." Diddy Kong said back to Falco. The pilot looked at him and grinned.

"You know kid. You aren't too idiotic as I imagined you to be. Let's help each other out in this contest. Kay?" Falco asked the little monkey.

"Um... sure." Diddy kong answered. Suddenly two fruits barged into the town square.

"Did someone say they eat... BANANAS!?!?" the two twin bananas in pajamas said.

"Uh oh." Diddy kong said to himself.

Will Diddy Kong survive the wrath of the two bananas in pajamas? Will Falco ever stop being cocky? Will Navi ever stop being annoying? Will Mario ever stop speaking in his annoying Italian accent? (No offense to Italians.) Tune in next time to FIND OUT!

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Yeah… I know a lot of people are doing survivor, though I figured I wanted to do it too! So yeah… Also please review, and in the review, please tell me who you want to be the "best video-game character ever".


	2. The Teams

The Teams

Well, I see no one is reviewing… and all of the hits were visitors… oh well. If you want to add some characters, please tell me in your review!

Disclaimer: I actually own SSBB. (Well, a copy of it) hehe :P

While the two bananas in pajamas were chasing Diddy Kong for saying that *gasps* he eats BANANAS… Master Hand continued with his long speech about his and _only_ his idea about having a game of survivor.

"…and so, I shall now tell all of you what your teams' are." finished the ol' glove.

"The first team, whose color is red, will be Donkey Kong, Mr. Game and Watch, Falco, Mega man, Sonic, Mario, Mewtwo, Luigi, DeDeDe, Daisy, Lucario, Pokemon Trainer, Lucas, Marth, Toon Link, and Geno.

The second team, whose color is blue, will be Diddy Kong, Ice Climbers, Wolf, Zero (from Mega man), Wario, Samus, Pikachu, Princess Peach, Meta-knight, Toad, Link, Zelda, Ness, Snake, R.O.B., and Pacman.

The third, and final team, whose color is yellow, Pit, Fox, Krystal, Protoman, Tails, Yoshi, Kirby, Waluigi, Captain Falcon, Bowser, Roy, Midna, Ike, Jigglypuff, Olimar, and Ganondorf" said Master Hand. "Please form into your groups now."

Everybody got confused, though after a few minutes of bumping into each other, all of them finally went into separate groups.

"All right! Now, we shall fly over to an uninhabited remote island, called N00bz Island. On that island, we have lots of wild animals and plants, and you'll have to try and survive, and adapt to the new environment!" shouted Master Hand loudly, through a speaker phone. (Though he doesn't have a mouth…)

Each team was going in different planes, and while they were, they started to know their members more. Some of them, not so much, while others were already strategically thinking about the game. They departed from the runway, and flew into the heavens. The view outside the plane was beautiful. There were a few nice clouds, a glorious and radiant sun, with a shimmering blue sky. It was simply… magnificent though it didn't last long, since after a while, they landed on "N00bz Island" (which was deserted). Once they had, the survivors walked onto solid ground again.

All of them were talking.

Yellow Team-

"Hey guys, I just figured this out now, though does this mean we can't eat anything we want?" asked Kirby looking around, while appearing adorable, as always.

"Uh-oh."said Midna to herself, knowing that Kirby will eat all of their food in the game, as well as Bowser, and Yoshi. –Better make sure those three people get voted out…- she thought.

Blue Team-

"Guys, I think we should make an alliance. Then, we could help each other and stuff." suggested Link.

"Wocka wocka!" replied Pacman.

"Sure." said Samus.

"All right! It's settled! And also, please no back stabbing guys! There's still a lot of people in our group!" whispered Link quietly, so only their little group could hear.

Red Team-

"Hey…" Pokemon trainer said to Marth, in a flirty like voice.

"Um… hi?" he simply replied back.

"Once we're out of this crappy island, want to go out for dinner?" asked Pokemon trainer.

"Uh… you see… I'm heterosexual… as in, straight? Sorry."

"Huh? I'm too, babe."

Now Marth was really confused. –Does he think I'm a girl?- he thought.

"Listen… I'm NOT a girl. I'm a guy." Marth said.

"Suuure… you know you can't get away from me."

A few seconds passed. Marth didn't like this at all. His eyes were twitching, from fright. –Why did I have to be in this group…?-

Suddenly, a loud voice could be heard all around the island.

"EVERYONE COME TO THE BEACH WHERE WE FIRST LANDED IN FIVE MINUTES!" the loud voice shouted. All but Mario, Daisy, Princess Peach, Geno, Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser wondered whose voice it was.

"Great. That annoying little shrimp came onto this island?" complained Bowser, to himself.

"Hello everyone! My name is Toadette! I am pleased to make all of your acquaintances. Starting from this day, I shall be your host. Also, Hey Toad! I'm so proud of you being in Survivor!" informed the little pink mushroom in a happy and cheerful mood.

"Toadette! I can't believe you're here!" shouted Toad excitedly.

"I know! This big mister _handy _said I could be the host! Isn't it so exciting? I looove being here! Hey are those cocon-" Toadette said, while getting interrupted.

"GET ON with it!" shouted Wario

" Ok ok! The first challenge is…"

What will the next challenge be? Tune in next time to find out!

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Well hope you like it. It took me like a **long** time to complete this. I just need to get over 1000 words! Grr… So… frustrating! Well, I seriously hope I get some reviews soon. I'm discouraged enough as it is! PLEASE REVIEW!

Also, HOOPLAH! (It's my favorite saying, sorry!)


	3. Insanity!

Survivor: The Best Video-game Character Ever!

Chapter 3- Insanity

Summary- Things start to get a little weird around our competitors…

Disclaimer: you already know so be quiet. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *cough cough* sorry I'm sick guys... and it's all captain falcon's fault. He falcon punched me! (FALCON PAWNCH!)

I'm being driven into insanity (pun from chapter title) from not having any reviews… SO REVIEW DAMM IT!

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"Ok ok! Our challenge will be…" said the pink mushroom; in one of those quiz show hosts' voices.

"GET ON WITH IT!" shouted Bowser, strangely thinking about chocolate every second currently.

"Ok ok… Geez… Anyways, your next challenge will be to answer this question! Be careful though, you only have ONE chance! The question is…" Toadette proudly said, while stopping, since she knew everybody anticipated what the darn question was.

"What color is color?"

"Huh? What kind of question is that?" asked Roy.

Toadette giggled for a second, then continued talking "Roy, I'm sorry, but you're out!"

"What!? That's not fair…" said the redhead.

"Everyone! The first word you say out loud should be the answer!" shouted Toadette, in her speakerphone.

"Boy… that stupid mushroom chick is a real hard host…" thought Daisy.

1 second.

2 seconds.

3 seconds.

4 seconds.

Seconds, turned into minutes. Everybody was scared. Except for one person, who think they might've gotten the answer.

"Humping trees?" answered Link.

"WHAT THE ****???" shouted Ike, Mega man, and Zero in unison. They all started laughing, including Ness, Sonic, and Pit.

"You six! OUT!" said Toadette. "And wrong answer Link! You're out too!"

"Oh… my… god. And he's the one who I'm usually paired up with in stupid fan fictions created by immature thirteen year old girls on a website called ?" asked Zelda to herself (in her head of course, and also no offense to any fan girls)

"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

…

… (Still waiting)

…

…

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" answered Mr. Game and Watch.

"Incorrect. You're out Mr Game and Watch! Though, that was a beautiful poem…" said Toadette.

Suddenly Tails (from Sonic) began to cry.

"MR. GAME AND WATCH… that was… BEAUTIFUL!" shouted the Fox-like animal, being inspired by the 2-d character. Tears flowed out of his eyes, being inspired by Mr Game and Watch's dazzling set of words, while Toadette told him he was out.

"Mr. Game and watch, you have MY RESPECT!" he said, smiling so much that it was creepy.

After that weird episode, things began to quiet down again in the challenge. There was a problem though.

Nobody knew what the answer was.

"Is it chocolate?" asked Bowser.

"Incorrect."

Lucario gave a simple grunt.

"Incorrect."

"Is it Samus is so hot?" asked Snake, purposely flirting with the woman

"Um… nooo…"

"Is it cocaine?" asked Fox, twitching violently that everyone took a few steps away from him.

"No. You sure you're all right?..."

"Is it oranges?" asked Daisy.

"Sadly, no. I'm really hungry for them…"

"Wocka?" said Pacman, in the language, Pacmanian.

"No."

"Is it gayness?" asked Captain Falcon.

"No…?"

By then, everybody who was still in were losing hope.

"I give up." said Geno.

"Is it my fart?" said Wario, follwed by an actual fart, which stank up the beach. Zelda, Mega Man, and Yoshi all screamed, being afraid of taking just one whiff of the rancid odor coming from Wario's derrière.

"You three! Out!" shouted Toadette.

After a few minutes of countless outs, only Toad, Midna, and Mario were remaining in the competition.

"Is is the word, it?" asked Midna.

"Nope! Yellow team is the first one out!" yelled Toadette.

Krystal, Kirby, and Olimar were congratulating the dwarf for making it that far.

"Meh. She only made it that far since she didn't even guess until now!" remarked the annoyed Ganondorf.

There was three, and now only two. Mario and Toad. Who will win? *DAN DAN DAN DAAAAN!*

"Red, for-a me! Mario!" answered the annoying Italian-accented plumber.

"Nope! If Toad guesses right, he'll win! If he doesn't, you, Mario, will still have a chance!" exclaimed the preppy pink alternate gender of Toad.

Everyone stared at Toad for his answer. Will he be right, or will he be wrong? Only luck, and fate will tell.

"Toadette. That's my answer" nervously said Toad, in a quiet and shy voice.

"KA CHING! Right answer! You see fellow survivors, complimenting hosts will almost guarantee a win! Well, for me anyways!" said Toadette.

The whole blue team was congratulating and praising Toad.

"Pika pi!" shouted Pikachu.

"I agree with this yellow creature here! You did a great job out there!" said Zero.

"I wouldn't have done better myself." remarked Link.

"Um… he DID do better than you…" commented Zelda.

"Oh." Was the simple reply the elf gave the princess.

Everyone laughed, and thought of Toad differently now. They always thought he was weak, though the good thing was that he was strong in the head!

"Ok ok! Now, for your prize, you win… a new 50 inch LCD TV!" said Toadette with glee.

"Oh yes!!" shouted Wario.

"Like, OH MY GAWD! I've never been soo proud of you until now Toad!" said Peach, while picking Toad up, and hugging him, as if he were a tiny newborn baby.

While the blue team was celebrating their victory, the Yellow team was meeting with Master Hand, choosing who should go to "Exile Island".

"Boy and I thought this island was bad…" said the shocked Proto man. (from Mega man)

"Yes, it's INDEED worser than this island, but think of it this way. It's better than gtting sexually assaulted by two twin bananas in pajamas!" said Master Hand, whimpering just thinking about that torturous day. He shook the idea out of his mind, and continued.

"So, who shall go?"

"I think Roy should go, since HE was the first one out." Suggested Bowser.

Everyone eventually agreed, except of course, for the one who was being voted for.

"You guys! That's not fair… I was just asking a simple question! I didn't know it would cost me this much!" whined Roy, while smacking his head repeatedly over and over again.

"Too bad, so sad. Now, get your lazy ass to exile island!" ordered the harassed Hand.

_**Exile Island: Roy**_

Roy looked everywhere for the immunity trophy hidden somewhere around the deserted island. He was cold, hungry, and depressed all at the same time.

While he gave up trying to look for the trophy, he drifted off to sleep on top of giant palm tree leaves he found, and over the shady breadfruit trees. He dreamt that he was back in his old bed. -So comfy… so warm.- he thought. The poorly accused man shivered all night, longing for warmth again.

_**Tomorrow**_

"Well, yellow team! Time for your first *DAN DAN DAN…* ELIMINATION!" informed Master Hand.

"Sorry, but you were too much of a hassle." said Waluigi, in a nasally voice.

"Dude, you are soo over." said Kirby, to the camera.

"You are smexy hawt, though it's time for you ta go hun." sadly said Captain Falcon. (Who is very gay!)

"Well the votes are in! One vote for Roy, two votes for Roy--" started Master Hand. By then, Roy was sweating like mad, and nervous. He asked to himself, was he going to be out?

"One vote for Ganondorf! Another from Ganondorf!" continued the floating hand.

Soon it was 7 votes for Ganon, 7 votes Roy and 1 vote Midna.

"The last vote was…

Meep

Meep

Meep

Meep

Meep "STFU WITH THE MEEPS ALREADY!" shouted Ganondorf.

"Roy! Congratulations! Give me your torch, leave, and never come back." Master Hand said in a monotone voice.

**Roy – First one out**

"Boy, I can't believe I was the first to get voted out! Now I KNOW why there's a "kick a ginger day". Roy said, talking to the camera. By then, he was about to cry. (Aww, poor baby!... not)

.

.

.

"STOP HATING GINGERS!!!!" pleaded Roy.

**Yellow team**

"I can't believe Roy got voted out…" said Yoshi.

"I can't believe I'm this hungry!" said Kirby, unaware that Yoshi was talking to him.

"Kirby? Um… I have a plan. A good one, that'll get us a lot of food." Said Yoshi

"REALLY!? What is it!?" said Kirby, who stopped lying on the ground, aching for hunger. In his mind, he could picture the once again, delicious, and mouth watering food he longed for, for such a _long_ time.

"We should make an alliance! Then, when our alliance is big enough, no one will vote us out if we eat so much!" suggested the dinosaur.

"You knowies, that's so dumb, that is just might WORK! Gee, Yoshi, you are AMAZING!" said Kirby, with tears of happiness.

From then on, Yoshi and Kirby decided to stick out for each other, no matter what the consequences. They were indeed, finally, friends.

**Blue Team**

Ness was sitting all alone in his hut, and within his right hand, held a simple pocket knife.

It was dirty. You could tell that the knife wasn't new, since it has lost its metallic shininess. The young boy found it washed up onto the shore, and picked it up while no one was looking.

He now sat secretly in a little corner of his hut, alone. All alone, with only his pocket knife for company. It was his only friend in the whole competition. A simple inanimate object, can become a young boy's best friend.

Suddenly, without thinking, Ness did the unthinkable. He cut himself. What he didn't know, was that two twin ice climbers watched him, from a window. They immediately went in the shelter, and asked Ness,

"Can we join you?"

"Sure… I guess?" was his only reply.

All three of them, cut themselves.

**Red Team**

"Like, OH EM GEE Lucario! I don't know why, but I'm startin' ta looove clothes and make up! Am I like, awesome or what?" asked the demented Toon Link. Lucario replied with a simple grunt.

"W…What? You big meanie! I… I can't believe you would think that way 'bout me!" cried Toon Link, in a preppy voice.

Lucario simply grunted.

"WAAAAA…!!! Whys you always so mean, Lucario? I mean, I know I need to lose a few pounds off my head, but STILL!" the preppy girlie boy stated. He then suddenly began to put lots of lipstick on his lips, and eye liner around his eyes, in an attempt to make his self-esteem better.

"What do ya think of me now? Ain't I puuurtie?" asked Toon Link (who is officially a prep)

Lucario grunted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!!!!!!!" shouted Toon Link, with his head pointed to

the sky.

Are Ness and the Ice Climbers EMO? Is Toon Link a prep on a diet? Why does Lucario grunt all the time? Will Kirby and Yoshi get voted off because of their stupid alliance?

Tune in NEXT time to FIND OUT!

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Like, oh my gawsh, y'all! I like can't stop talkin' like Toon Linkey!

Hope you like. I know I will.

HOOPLAH! (FREAKIN READ AND REVIEW OR I WILL KILL YOU!)


	4. They Come From the Dead

They Come From the Dead

Sorry for long wait, to those few number of my fans. This isn't turning out to be the "popular survivor fan fiction" I was hoping for… oh well. Thanks to that one special guy who actually reviewed, unlike the rest of you JERKS *begins to cry* PLEASE, REVIEW! DEAR MERCIFUL GOD!

This chapter has hints about new LoZ game, and Resident evil 5.

Disclaimer: you already know it, but I don't.

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**Yellow Team-**

On the sandy beach, Bowser was lying down on the ground, watching the buoyant clouds slowly pass the sky. He was busy. Thinking about something. And what was he thinking? Well…

"Hey! Amphibian! You awake or what?" asked Proto man, looking down on the huge amphibian. Bowser looked at the robot for a few seconds, unaware that he was staring, until he finally woke up from his strange daze. Bowser thought about what just went on for the past few seconds, and suddenly went in rage.

"DUDE! I'm a freaking, REPTILE! R-E-P-T-I-L-E!" yelled the supposed reptile, in a deafening roar.

"You know, every single second you waste on being angry, makes you uglier. Though, there wouldn't be any difference, since you already are ugly." remarked the smartass Proto man.

As anybody with half a brain would know, Bowser was so insulted by the smart ass robot, he attempted to punch him, though failed miserably. Proto man's robotic fighting instincts quickly defended Bowser's huge punching arm with his shield, then quickly shot him with his mega buster, right in the ass. And guess who was watching?...

"WA HA HA HA HA! You just got owned by Proto man!" cried Ganondorf, in a sick evil laugh. By then, Yoshi and Kirby heard Ganondorf while walking near the fight, and laughed so hard, the all the other teams on the island heard.

**Red Team-**

Geno was quickly startled by the sudden laughter from afar, while harvesting from breadfruit trees he found in the jungle, with a certain blue robot, and asked Mega man if he heard it too.

"Yeah, I hear it…I wonder what's so funny?" Mega man wondered.

**Blue Team-**

"Pika?" 'pika-ed' the yellow electric pokemon.

"What the hell's that..." said Meta-Knight, beside Pikachu.

"Pika." replied Pikachu.

"Well, ignoring the stupid laughter, I've got an idea I wanted to tell you about. How about you and I team up? That way, we'll keep an eye out for each other, and we can also convince others to join us too." suggested the masked Kirby-like dude.

"Pika Pika!" said Pikachu excitedly, while furiously nodding his head in approval.

"Well, I guess that's a yes…" thought Meta-knight in his mind.

**Yellow Team (again)-**

After the events of Meta-knight, Pikachu, Geno, and Mega man, pretty much everyone from the yellow team was laughing at Bowser's loss, while he himself was ashamed of himself for losing. He ran off into the deep jungle, alone.

"I can't believe I lost to some robot half my size! And I'm also hungry for chocolate…" the embarrassed **amphibian** spoke to himself.

Bowser speaking to camera: Hey… I thought I already said I was a freaking REPTILE!?

Displeased of his ignorant and rude reply, Master Hand dropped not a coconut, but a zombie from Resident Evil series, directly beside Bowser, the **amphibian**.

"Uhhhhhhhhhh…" the frightening zombie moaned in a very deep voice. The moan was enough to make Bowser have goose bumps (even though he's an amphibian)

"OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" he screamed in fear of being eaten, and turned into one of those gruesome creatures himself. The amphibian (not a REPTILE) ran as fast as his feet could carry his heavy load, until he was out of the jungle. The zombie, ever so slowly, was following him in a limp.

**Red Team-**

Lucas was happily strolling alone the beautiful beach, looking for seashells to add to his secret collection (hidden under his straw bed), until he suddenly heard a deep, loud, spine-tingling moan, frightening enough to wake the dead.

"UUUUUhhhhh…" the strange moan groaned. He quickly dropped the shell he was picking up, and looked around wildly, trying to find where the mysterious voice was.

"H-huh? Um… wh-who's th-there? I'm warning you!" Lucas cried, in a wimpy attempt to scare the being away. In just a matter of seconds after he said those words, the exact same zombie who almost ate Bowser, was running out of the jungle, straight towards the young boy. Lucas just stood there, in shock, though quickly snapping out of it, ran away to his tribe, and screamed "DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!"

Somehow, the zombie got in a car (that magically appeared!), and he was _somehow_ able to drive, and he _somehow_ drove over Lucas. Fortunately, the scared psychic wasn't dead…

yet.

The decomposing human body stepped out of the car, then… did the unthinkable.

"AHHHH-" Lucas was quickly interrupted from his cry for help… since he didn't have a mouth anymore. In fact, he didn't have a face anymore.

OMFG AHHH THE ZOMBIE ATE LUCAS' HEAD!!

"MM… boy head…" said the zombie, while smacking his lips with delight. He now tasted his first smasher flesh, and was viciously hungry… for MORE.

*DUN DUN DUN….* (intense and scary music)

Toadette suddenly shouted in her loud speaker phone, so everyone on the island could hear.

"We now interrupt your decapitation process! Please head to the base of the north part of the volcano in the jungle. You should easily see it from anywhere on this crappy island!" shouted Toadette.

**Red Team**-

"Someone! Please! Help me! AHHHHHHHHH!" Toon Link screamed, in a high shriek.

Daisy heard this loud and deafening cry of help, so she quickly ran into his hut, and asked if he was ok.

"Do you THINK I'm okay, after I shouted 'help'?!?... ugh…well anyways… I can't figure out what tunic I should wear for our hike up to the volcano! I mean like it's going to be dirty, so brown would be a good colour, but I'm think of going 'casual chic', so maybe purple, though I _could_ always just wear my normal green ones, though green is like so one second ago…" the preppy young Link rambled on.

"Well, I think you should go with blue, since it does look good with your eyes." She suggested.

"OH MY GAWD! That is like, sooo perfect! Thanks so much, Daisy!" thanked Toon Link. He was replied with a simple, 'your welcome'. After putting on his blue tunic over his green tunic (which is kind of weird, no offense), the two new friends walked together to the volcano, chatting about clothes, make-up, and the newest celebrity video-game gossip.

"Did you know that I'll be starring in _another_ game? I mean, I thought Windwaker and Phantom Hourglass was enough for me, but Spirit Tracks? I like it how I'm getting _so_ much popularity, though seriously… I DRIVE A TRAIN?" asked the wondering young boy. "What the hell happened to my pirate ship? Why would anyone want to ditch a ship, for a freaking TRAIN!?" Daisy simply just shrugged, to say she didn't have a clue, then replied, "Seriously? Wow… that's so retarded. Whoever thought of that HAS to be fired from Nintendo. I just can't imagine you driving a train… when the pirate ship first came out, I was 'weirded' out, but it still was a good game and all, but **this** is the most random thing anyone would ever come up with. A train… seriously that's like… so weird." wondered Daisy, while biting her thumb. They walked on, talking about the new game that being released in 2009, with Toon Link being out of character as you ff fans would call it, until one of them noticed something. Something important.

"Um… Toon Link? The volcano is over **there**. Why are we heading this way?" asked Daisy, while pointing to the volcano, which was in the opposite direction they were heading in.

"Woops! We must've been talking too much!" laughed Toon Link, embarrassingly. They giggled for a few seconds about their stupidity, and ran as fast as they could to the volcano. It took them 20 whole minutes, and by the time they finally were there, some of their fellow smashers weren't so happy…

"Where the hell, WERE YOU TWO!?" shouted Mewtwo. (All of the big pokemon know how to speak, just to be clear) Daisy sighed.

"We were only gone for like what? One second? It's no big deal… we just got caught up in something rather important."

Toon Link quickly nodded his head, in agreement to Daisy's comment.

"Well, it wasn't one second Daisy. More like, oh say… 20 minutes? Anyways, the point is, is that because of your late arrival, your whole team will be penalized for today's competition!" the pink mushroom said, being all smartass.

Everybody in the red team turned their heads to look at Daisy and Toon Link, with deadly glares.

"Uh oh…" the two friends said in unison.

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Well, hope you like. I know I will. Review, or Captain Falcon will falcon **kick** your ass.

HOOPLAH!

BY THE WAY, before anyone messages me about "OMG IS SPIRIT TRACKS A REAL VIDEO GAME OR WHAT", yes it's a freaking new Zelda game. Go to youtube and search for it. Hooplah…


	5. Never Take Drugs! pt 1

Never Take Drugs or Gayness Will Fall Upon You Pt. 1

This is in two parts. This chapter isn't really funny, but it explains a lot about Link and Ness, and has more character development.

Disclaimer: you already know it don't you? I DO NOT OWN SSB!

- - - - -- - -lol - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - - - noob - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -

"Uh-oh" both Daisy and Toon Link said in unison, with glares that would wake the dead, on them.

"YO man, you blowin' up our team!" shouted Mario. Right after he said those gangster-ish words, everyone looked at him, surprised he wasn't talking in his usual annoying Italian accent. Especially, one person. Luigi was terrified and shocked to see his beloved brother act like this.

"M-Mario? Um… why-a are you talking like-a that?" shyly asked the younger brother.

"What you mean, bro? Man, I ALWAYS talk like dis." replied the new, transformed Mario. Luigi's eyes were twitching from fear. -What on earth made him act like this?- he thought to himself. He didn't like seeing his brother… being a gangster. It scared him. It terrified him. He wanted the **old** Mario back, badly! -What if-a he never goes-a back to the old Mario? What will-a happen to me? He always saves my-a behind from-a any dangers! If he doesn't, I'm-a surely going to get killed…- Luigi worryingly said in his mind. The green plumber shook his head in disbelief that Mario is even acting like this. Though, he wasn't afraid that Mario won't save him. Nor if his brother acts this way.

-Mario…

Do you still love me as your brother?-

Meep…

Meep…

Meep…

Meep…

Meep- "HEY! I told you before, STOP saying MEEP!" shouted the annoyed Ganondorf, being pissed off of my awesome meeps. (They are **so** cool, aren't they?)

"O-k then… well aside from the nonsense going on with Mario, the next challenge will be… kill the zombie! If you haven't noticed by now, there's a zombie amidst you smashers! He is pretending to be one of you guys, and the first team to find out who he is interpreting and kill him, will win!" said Toadette. Then, Sonic raised his hand, as if he was a student, and Toadette was the teacher.

"Yes Sonic?" asked the pink fungi creature… thingy.

"H-How d-do we know wh-which team would b-be se-se-se-se-second cond cond cond plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-a-a-a-a ce?" asked the hedgehog, twitching as mad as Fox was in the last competition, (who is still twitching as of this moment)

"Oh. Well, the two other teams will just have to pick someone from their teams, and brawl the other person the other team picked." Toadette simply said.

"OK GO!" shouted the host. The whole crowd of smashers quickly separated and assembled into their three teams.

**Blue Team-**

"Ok guys. We need a good plan to correctly pick out the zombie from everyone here, and the other two teams. So anyone have any ideas?" asked Samus, acting like a confident leader of the team.

"We should cut ourselves." suggested the emo Ness, while actually cutting himself while he was saying it. The two Eskimos nodded in agreement, and cut themselves too.

"WHY MUST WE BE STRANDED HERE!?!?" all three shouted in unison.

"Uh… no. Anyone else?" said Samus, looking at the three young children as if they were mental.

"We should have fun. Just the two of us. If you know what I mean…" said Snake.

Samus kicked him right where a guy would hurt, and he yelled in pain, while rolling on the ground, holding his private area.

"Um… ignoring Snake, what's Link doing over there…" wondered Zelda.

"Oh, he's just humping trees." Zero replied. Zelda appeared shocked by hearing this news. –Link… why are you doing this? I know we're stranded on this treacherous island, though… what's wrong with you lately?- thought Zelda with pity, disappointed in her destined husband.

"Well, what do zombies like? We could lure him out of hiding…" suggested the masked man. (Obviously Meta-Knight) Pikachu agreed to his idea, and so did the rest of the team, except for Snake, who was too much in pain to be even listening, Link, who was humping trees, and Wario, who disagreed to Meta-Knight.

"No no! That-a sounds so stupid!" Wario commented on Meta-Knight's opinion, trying to be all mighty, and smart ass. -Well, he's not smart, but he does a HUGE ass… and not in the good way…- someone thought. And guess who it was? Our dearly loved, benevolent, zombie dropping, Master Hand!

"Master Hand, what are you doing here?" asked Toad.

"Oh, just seeing how you young kids are doing. Boy, my back is so sore. Well, gotta go to my chiropractor!" said Master Hand, while chuckling at how entertaining and childish the fellow survivors were. –I used to be just like those children…- he thought.

Then the two bananas in pajamas dropped on him and sexually harassed him... again

**Link-**

Link, as you already know, was humping on a giant palm tree, ignoring his teammates and the entire competition. –Awww… right…- he thought. He never humped trees before. In fact, the only reason he was, was because of a fight the other day, and humping on trees just seemed like the right thing to do in that moment of crisis.

_Flashback-_ (If you don't like them, I don't care.)

"Link! What the hell? Why would you destroy my yo-yo?" cried Ness, bawling his eyes out. Link felt so ashamed, guilty, and remorseful. He broke little Ness's toy! What did the little tyke ever do to deserve this? Link just stood there, looking down at the psychic, in pity, while they boy was holding the broken yo-yo, crying while sitting on the ground.

"I… I'm sorry." the elf apologized. He knew those words wouldn't be enough to calm down Ness, but he didn't know what else to say. Those were the only words that could come out of his mouth. Ness cried and cried, and Link was just watching him, having a sad expression on his face, and having trouble swallowing. The Hylian tried to comfort the kid, though instead, it made everything worse. Ness suddenly was furious and enraged, after he was done crying. He wanted to punch the guy. He wanted him to be dead. But instead, he said these only words to him.

"I'm going to go emo 'CAUSE OF YOU!" shouted the boy, still with a few tears flowing out of his eyes, and ran away. By then, Link was so guilt-ridden, he screamed, thinking it was the only thing he could do, without going mental.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *cough cough* *long pause* *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

After that, he didn't know what to do anymore, to get rid of this horrible, sin. He asked himself, -What should I do? What should I do…- repeatedly. Then, two words randomly went in his head.

Hump trees.

_End Flashback_

**Yellow Team-**

While everyone else from their team was talking, Jigglypuff and Olimar were conversing by themselves. They were the two of the shyest survivors in their team, and somehow, became friends because of this common trait.

"Um… so Jigglypuff? What would be a good plan be to know who is the zombie?" inquired the captain of pikmin.

"Jiggly Jiggly!" happily shouted the pokemon.

"You know, that's not a bad idea…" complimented Olimar.

**Red Team**

"AHHHHHH! What the HELL happened to you, LUCAS!?" screamed Daisy and Toon Link, scared half to death frim seeing the decapitated boy. If you read the last chapter, you'd know that his head was eaten from the zombie. So, he just waved around his arms, trying to talk with his fellow teammates with sign language. Unfortunately, no one knew what he was doing, and thought he was high.

"Dude what are you, high or something?" asked Falco, with a disgusted look on his face.

"BWA HA HA HA! That's SO funneh! Falco, you are one MEAN gouda cheese! Why, just the other day, I was making out with this lesbian couch, and she was like-" Sonic rambled, then suddenly interrupted by Falco putting his hand (or wing) over the hedgehog's mouth, to stop him talking.

"Ok, new insult. Sonic is now high, and Lucas is **just** decapitated." said the rival of Fox. "Now then. What do you losers think we should do to win this competition?"

"I want to make out with Marth." said Pokemon Trainer. Marth had a scared face, and stepped a **huge** step back away from the guy. Pokemon Trainer reacted, by taking a step closer. They kept doing this until Falco kicked Pokemon Trainer.

"Damn it Red! She's MINE you got that?" the bird said.

"Ok can we get this clear? I'M A BOY. Not a girl. I'M A BOY. And I'm nobody's!" shouted Marth, blushing like mad.

"Aww… babe don't do this to me! You know that I'm the best one from these nerds. Come on! Gimme a chance!" said Falco.

"NO WAY I want her!" defended Red. (Also known as pokemon trainer.) Then, the next thing you knew, the two started fighting. Furious by this useless fight, and the fact that he WASN'T a girl, Marth kicked both of their asses in the fight, and shouted again, that he was, in fact, a guy.

"Marth(a), we know you aren't a guy. Stop being a les and just deal with it and how you are so hot…" said Pokemon Trainer.

Marth kicked both of the two idiots in the ballz.

"OHHHH THE PAIN!!!" they both said.

To be continued… (sorry)

Is Marth a guy or a girl? (girl, obviously) Does Mario hate Luigi? Why isn't Kirby in this chapter? Do you feel bad for Link? Is Link the reason why Ness is emo? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!

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Sorry for ending in the middle of the chapter. I realized I already wrote 4 pages, and didn't want to make it too long. (I hate uber long ones) so yeah I'm dividing this competition into two parts.

Hope you're happy. I know I'm not.

HOOPLAH!


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